She Turned 11 Months Today

She turned 11 months today. She's growing so fast. Tonight she woke up and I just held her. I didn't want it to end. She's my youngest and I hardly tracked her steps like I did with her sisters and there's never enough time in the day to do all I want to do with them. To be their mom and yet be me. It's hard to separate the two. It's hard to find a balance. 

I didn't want her to feel I loved her any less than the others. I don't hold her like I held the others. I am too busy making sure they all are ok. But tonight I wish I could lay in her crib with her to assure her I love her and them all the same. That they're all so special to me. 

She does cheers now. She wants to walk and join her big sisters. She cracks up and her nose crinkles up when she smiles. She even snorts a little. She played catch with herself. Everytime I tried to video tape it she would stop. I wish I could split myself up into four. Be three people for each child and be one person for me.

She turned 11 months today. She's really helped heal me and she brings this calmness out in me. She's given me a gift like that others. She's helped me see life in a new light.