“You’re not over it yet” an old friend said to me a couple weeks ago over a situation that happened. No I am not. The weird thing is that I have been through a lot more harder things in life and why did this minor set back bother me so much. Because it hurt my heart and that is something I usually protect and because at one moment it did bring me peace before it brought me pain.
The best thing you can do is give yourself time. Time to process. Time to understand why something had happened. Time to heal. Time to be sure not to make the same mistake. Time to process why did it bother you so much or why the pain still lingers.
When you go through anything in life you need to give yourself the right to go through the emotions so you can learn from it when you’re ready to go through them. Let me explain.
When I had cancer I never dealt with it. I will be the first to admit it. I was pregnant. I was making dinner for my then 4 year old. The doctor called. Said please make sure your husband is on the line. She told us the news. I hung up and went back to making dinner. My husband at the time looked at me and said “Go take some time to process” I didn’t want to. I was like ok I still need to be strong enough to do my duties in life and will deal with it and do whatever the doctors tell me I had to do.
A lot of people do the same thing that have been diagnosed with a disease or diagnosis. Why? Because in the moment it’s fight or flight. That’s your reaction. You say “Ok what do I need to do to survive” and you do it. Automatic mode we go in. After it’s all done that’s when it hits you. You then process everything you went through to survive. It’s survival guilt too sets in. Like now I survived and what’s my true purpose.
It happens to me still when a person does repeat behaviors in my life. It triggers same old emotions in me too and it’s hard to get through because you’re constantly healing the same wound over and over.
It happens in bad relationships and bad jobs. It happens to people who lost a parent at a young age or any age for that matter. It happens to people who weren’t treated correctly at one time or another or had a traumatic experience as a child or teenager. Think about it. How many times do you later ask yourself. “How did I get through that?”
Because when life tests you that is when you become a warrior. You become your strongest. It’s great at the moment BUT then in time you have to heal. Whether it be a month from then a year or 10 years. Eventually you need time to process and heal in order to grow and learn. You owe yourself that. You owe yourself time to process and then react and then you can fully move on.
Don’t deny yourself time but do be sure to feel. Don’t cover up any dramatic situation you ever had in your life up. Let that resurface and heal because if you don’t you’ll carry that pain with you forever. It will later come out and you won’t even know why.
And when you think about it all the emotions come out. Pain. Anger. Sadness. Relief. Guilt. Whatever you have feel is your right to feel.
Right there is the test... If you shake off the emotions. If you shake your head and say don’t think about it and you push that pain back down, you just cheated yourself out of healing. You cheated yourself from growth.
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