We have this illusion that our happiness depends solely on our partner. That they need to devote their time 100% to us and if they don’t then they don’t love us. Healthy mature relationships are about two people who are emotionally intelligent. Who enjoy the company of one another. Who have secure relationship attachment styles yet have independence.
Where you don’t need a person. It’s not obsessive. It’s actually extremely calm and content. It’s not an anxious type where you feel insecure. It’s a type where you two bring out the absolute best in one another. You encourage and promote inner growth. You have your hobbies and time together and hobbies and time apart. You communicate effectively.
This isn’t a common type of relationship but should be everyone’s goal. We put so much stress on our expectations of what someone else should do for us that we don’t take ownership of our own roles and responsibilities.
We are so used to unbalanced relationships that we think that is normal. It’s not normal. I lived through both types of relationships. I had to teach myself what type of relationship made the most sense.
You cannot be fully happy with anyone unless you’re secure in yourself. And I don’t mean love yourself because we all love ourselves but we all carry pain and past experiences and project it on to people. No one is here to save you. You have to save yourself.
You love someone for who they are. Not who you want them to be or how they should be. You have to fully accept someone for all of them and if you don’t then walk away.
But please know this. Your partners job isn’t to cater to you and worship the floor you walk on. They are there to enjoy the journey of life with you.
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