Mommy CT: 02/21/21

I was tired of hearing stop being insecure. I was speaking to a friend yesterday about a girl he is dating. He started to say she questioned him and wanted to know their status and so on.

Validation I said. He said no she's acting insecure.

Hmmmm

I think we confuse the two a lot. Being insecure is us not wanting to reveal ourselves to someone or not wanting to be intimate or not liking something about ourselves.

Validation is her wanting him to say yes we are an exclusive couple and yes I understand your concern but no need to worry about it. Now people think validation is being insecure. That we want someone to help us feel confident. I think it is about someone recognizing our feelings being valid. There are easy, simple ways to validate someone's feelings.

I think dating is very hard and complicated. So when a good, legit, real guy comes along we are just waiting for them to mess up. Why?

It has nothing to do with insecurities. It has to do with past experiences.

Example: If someone you loved left you for their ex and now you're in a new relationship they are close with an ex you may not like that. Why? Because of past experience. Because it opens up old wounds and pain.

Is it your responsibility to heal from someone else pain they caused you. Absolutely but it takes a lot of time. I still have old wounds that open up.

We all have been lied to, probably half of us cheated on. It is awful. We are just waiting for them to mess up. Is that fair. No. Not at all. It isn't. But when you're in a relationship you need to read between the lines. If you want to invest in someone you need to be supportive and patient too.

I love having guy friends because we help one another. I have always had a male best friend since my divorce. I love it. I love how they put me in check. How I put them in check.

Things are NOT always simple. I replied to him I wish men were more like women and women were more like men. I wish we could understand one another more. I wish we could not second guess everything. I wish we could emotionally detach.

Now he is a really straight forward nice guy. He is rare. She is waiting for the lies and let down. Is it his fault NO, but he can stop it really fast by validating her.

My boyfriend is very rare. He is the most emotionally stable person I ever met. It took me a long time to put my guard down with him and embrace his truths. Was it his fault. No. He can blame the men in my life prior to him. But all jokes aside. When someone is having doubts, or feeling emotional. Listen. Validate. Say I can understand how that may worry you but I do not want you to worry. Do not label people. Do not label we are insecure or unstable etc... Listen and Validate.