Growing up I remember always seeing the run down, overweight, stressed out mom. She would be out with her family and everyone but her has it together. I swore NEVER me. Guess again! I am exactly that!
I am exactly that mom: run down, over weight and can't believe how I leave the house. It's like do I spend time doing my makeup or pack the kids lunches...yeah lunches wins everytime.
I know sounds silly, just get up earlier would be the best solution but in my house the minute I open my eyes someone wakes up. My magnetic energy must be super strong to attract my kids attention the minute my eyes open.
I swore I would never lose it. Never lose my creative touch. My love for painting and drawing. Yep that too gone...I think my canvas with my art supplies are four years old. I haven't picked up my sketch pad or painted. I haven't even done a drawing of my 2 year old yet.
Recently my sister broke her collar bone and I suggested she read a book I wrote and edit for me to pass time. I sent it to my sister and said I haven't read it in 8 years. 8 YEARS. My book has been sitting on my laptop. Sitting there waiting to be edited and never turned back to give it any TLC. Then my other book has been in my head for 8 years and never written. Can you imagine?! Thinking of this book. Picturing it yet never taking the time to write it out. Pathetic I know.
So now if my friend were in my shoes I would say make time and do it. Yeah yeah let's all laugh together. But reality is I need to manage my time better to make room for these things.
What you send out to the universe you receive.
This week I got notified that my daughter was offered a full time pre k spot at her school. That means she would do the same in the Fall and my two year old would be there in mornings and so that means ALL my kids will be at school in the morning. Imagine that. I just gained 15 hours of me time and instead of thanking the universe I almost cried. That this was it. That my mornings with them will soon be gone. That this me time I have yearned for was soon happening and I was a little upset about it. My babies were growing up.
In six months my fantasy of me time will finally be a reality. I can join a gym. Work more. Write more. Shower after drop off. Do my makeup in peace. Be me again. So this so called woman I never wanted to be has six more months until she gets to get her shit together again.
Tears of joy and tears of sorrow. See you can't gain something without losing something. That's the battle of parenthood. You can't gain more time for "me" without giving up time doing something else.
For now I need to embrace this woman I never wanted to be and realize she doesn't always have to be a piece of me!
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