Wednesday, February 3, 2021
Isn't That What It's All About
I am very transparent. Whenever I feel a certain way that I do not like I talk it out. I rationalize with it. I try to process it and understand it. I literally face myself and say "ok J what's happening here."
I never put any situation solely on to one person. I always owned my part in it. I never fully blamed one side because we all play our part in situations. A situation took place and I felt off. Logically it didn't make sense but I still felt a way and had to talk it out. I had to get it off my chest. It wasn't a big deal but I needed to say it.
After I did I thanked him for allowing me to open up and be transparent. His response stuck in my head. His response stayed with me. He said "Isn't that what this is all about." Meaning isn't our relationship about discussing when we don't feel ourselves or unhappy or off and talk things out. To work out through things so we can be better. Good. Happy.
YES!
Yes it is. Even in friendships and work and any type of situation you need to be transparent. You need to not yell or be emotional. You need to have a voice when you aren't feeling right without being emotional. This is what life is about. It is about being faced with something and dealing with it. NOT burying it. NEVER ever ever bury it. It's about saying "ok what is happening here" when you feel something inside that does not sit well with you.
I once dated someone who I could always openly say how I felt. We were really close but when I did I added emotions to it because I didn't know how else to explain my fear and hurt and pain. It was chaos within. He felt I was too emotional, I felt he added to it and didn't understand me. He didn’t see situations from my point of view. We would go back and forth for hours. But once I learned to process before reacting I could communicate the correct way. I eventually walked away 100%. I had to be logical and not stay because I was emotionally involved. I had to detach completely.
Why do I get triggered and you? Because we bury pain. We buried past pain and never faced it so now when we feel triggered we blame the current situation. And yes it may have to do with it but that buried pain that is what you still hurt from! No one taught us to effectively communicate and understand our emotions. No one. As adults we are learning.
It's your duty to understand your pain, triggers, emotions. Whatever is not sitting well with you please take the time to figure it out.
Please also only have relationships and friendships with people you can openly be real with. Who responds “isn’t that what this is all about”. Finding your people who get you and want to talk it all out. Be supportive and make things easier.
Peaches Please
It’s kindof our family tradition. When someone gets married you make peaches for a bridal shower. They are so delicious and so much work so we don’t get them often.
My cousin had a “drive by” bridal shower. With a tent and goodies inside. My aunt made the peaches for the occasion. It’s always a happy treat. Marriage is a beautiful thing. Peaches are unique and delicious. Hand in and hand.
They are filled with vanilla and chocolate custard. Rolled in a liquor and sugar.
I had to take some home to share with the kids- non alcoholic ones and with my boyfriend- the traditional ones with alcohol.
So delicious and beautiful.
What wedding traditions do your family have?
Love All You Can
It’s different dating after divorce. Normally you are looking to have more children or someone to marry when you date. Even though I do want marriage again one day. But for now, after already having kids and being married before, when you’re in a relationship it’s about finding someone who teaches you, who you can learn from and someone who brings fun and pure love to your life. Pure, honest, easy love.
We don’t know if things last forever. We must not restrict ourselves out of fear. We owe it to ourselves to take risks and love. I remind myself of that often.
I always loved hard. I never regretted it because that’s what I wanted to do at the time. I still love hard.
Harder I fall harder I am on myself. More fear and insecurities surface. You have to sort that out. You have to face it head on.
Harder I fall harder I am on myself. More fear and insecurities surface. You have to sort that out. You have to face it head on.
