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Thursday, July 17, 2014

Bitter Sweet Feelings- 4 weeks to Go....

After dealing with my Thyroid Cancer I really thought I wouldn't have any more children. I knew my husband wanted a 3rd but I wanted to focus on being and staying healthy for the two I had so I came to terms with having two and I was sooo ok with it.

Now that I am pregnant and soon she will be here I am having bitter sweet feelings. I mean I am huge! At times I feel like my belly will pop but this is my last final no matter what pregnancy. I do not feel my body can handle another pregnancy. I will have my tubes tied when I deliver my daughter so it is a bittersweet feeling for me.

When the house is quiet and I feel the baby moving I am in awe with what a miracle it is to have a baby in my stomach. It really is an amazing, miracle that is hard to explain. You hate the growing pains, nauseous not able to physically do what you want but you love this miracle you have growing in your body. No matter what mood you are in you become happy when you feel that flutter in your belly.

It's hard too because I worry how I will split myself into three. I love my two so much and already find it hard to give them my individual quality time. Now with a third it will be even harder. I had an amazing 4 years with my first before my second came. We bonded did everything together, she is my buddy. When my second arrived I felt like she was cheated because I had to deal with my thyroid surgery and was focused on healing and treatment and numerous doctor appointments. So once I started feeling better I took advantage and spent a lot of time with her doing classes or taking her out. Now she is sharing me again!

They say as a parent your heart and love is be enough to love all your children, equally for who they are and are able to give them what each individual needs. I know baby #3 will be as great as my other two, I just want to make sure I am as good as a mother to her as I am to the others.

 

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MOMMY CT



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