Please Go Do What You Like...

A relationship doesn’t define you. I know it’s hard to imagine that when you have spent 20-30-40 years with someone. A healthy relationship is when two individuals have separate identities yet come together to share a life together. 

Let me explain. 

We get caught up. We expect our significant other to make us happy. Because maybe one day they did. Maybe they were nice and loving. Maybe they looked at us like no one else was in the world but you. Maybe they put you first. 

Then life changes. Kids. Work. Bills. Responsibilities. Your relationship changes. At this point someone has detached. Someone resents the other. So you both just get by. You act like that power couple outside the house to others but inside are broken together. 

It’s a cycle. I am not here to convince anyone to get a divorce. I am here to say that your happiness is based solely on you. You’re an individual. Your significant other is an individual. You have responsibilities together yet you can still have a life separate. 

You need to still do the things you love. If you love golf then do it. If your significant other doesn’t don’t push them to love golf. Do it without them. Have space. Have the courage to say you do what you like. I do what I like. We then do what we like together and it’s ok. 

People don’t do that. They consume themselves into one another then get mad when they want to play golf but their spouse or girlfriend doesn’t. 

Second time around is even a bit harder. Children are different ages. Life experiences are different. I love picking fruit with my kids. I love farms. I love wine tasting. I am not going to find a guy who is going to want to do all those things always with me and it’s actually ok. So I do them while they go to a sports game with buddies or they go do things with their own kids or they go play golf. 

You have to have your own hobbies. Passions. Excitement. You have to be an individual. You consume yourself with someone that you end up resenting them. 

You’re with someone because you love that person 

Because that person makes your life better. They give you hope. Make your heart happy. Make you feel important. Make you feel like you matter. Love you and your core. Want to protect you. Want to help you grow as a person. They bring out the best in you.  They don’t want to do this journey in life without you. 

You aren’t with someone because of routine or an obligation to stay together. 

If you love golf and I don’t then please go play golf. I will still love you.