We were early for camp so I took a detour and stopped by a dock with boats. We pulled up and I was alone with my oldest. She asked what we were doing and I said let’s go for a little walk near the water before camp. She refused at first. I began to take the walk alone.
I wasn’t mad. I love being by the water. She caught up and said I don’t want to be here.
All I could think was I know these pre teen years will be hard but I am determined to make the best of it.
I asked her to look around, all I see are boats mom, I asked her to breathe in the air, it stinks mom, I asked her to feel the air, she said she’s going back to the car. I began to laugh.
She finally said I don’t see and feel what you do mom. This isn’t my happy place.
Ok fine I said. I get it but you don’t have to ruin the experience for me. This is my happy place and I was trying to do something out of routine.
She apologized. After I asked her to suggest her happy place so we could go the next time.
Can you believe she actually held my hand in the car the whole ride to camp after this.
I rubbed her hand and smiled.
I don’t want her to have the same happy places as me. I actually liked she communicated it with me verse just standing there annoyed. I told her we don’t have to like the same things and she agreed.
I think that’s the problem in life. With marriages and relationships and having kids. We want everyone to do and like what we do and like. Well it’s not that way.
You have to be ok with that. Doesn’t mean you have to stop doing those things. Just means know your audience. Now I know if we have extra time I won’t take her to a dock or beach.
Now she knows when she doesn’t like something she can communicate it with me and it won’t be a fight.
It’s about creates a safe place to be open about how you feel and what you need and like etc...I have a lot to learn still in life in general but I began to realize when I process and truly listen verse reacting you get better results.
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