Something to think about!
Wednesday, September 4, 2019
Men Want To Feel Wanted Too
If I have taught you anything it is this...men want to feel wanted and desired too!
Let me explain...I was speaking to a friend. She would kill me if she knew I was writing this. We spoke about dating and men and yada yada. After our discussion I pushed her to reach out to someone. She did. Within seconds she’s like I got a date. I said you just made his night. She’s like I did? I said yes. Men want to feel needed and desired just as much as women do! He’s smiling right now. She was like wow I didn’t think of it like that.
Read this again: Men want to feel needed and desired just as much as women do!
I have someone close to me who always reminds me that men have feelings too and they DO!
Ladies if you’re excited for a date. He’s excited too. If he made your night. You made his.
Men want to feel wanted and desired and I can’t push this enough. I get it. You’re tired. Raising kids. Working long hours. Have no time for yourself. Ok so.... But men don’t need a lot to feel good. Smack their ass. Tell them they look hot. Men will be eating out of your hand.
When a man compliments us and not just asking for sex but says that shirt looks great on us or we are beautiful or our hair looks pretty or our soul is beautiful. What do we do? We freaking melt! We become mush. We blush. We flirt.
Well men do too!
Come on gals. Do I have to teach you everything. Haha just kidding but really just take some
time to make him feel good, wanted, needed, like a man. Bet he would give you the world if you did.
Read this:
Why Men Need to Feel Wanted by Their Partners
“All humans, not just women, want to be admired and desired...and shown it.”
Stop & Enjoy The View
The sunset was amazing tonight. I was walking out of a meeting and couldn’t stop looking at the sky. I was driving home and had to pull over to take a picture of these trees that looked like they were on fire but it was the sunset refection on them.
When your mind is calm and relaxed you can take in the beauty around you. When you’re angry, rushed, or stressed you can’t take the time to enjoy things happening around you. I know it’s not easy. I get it but why miss out on magical moments like this over worrying or stressing.
We All Should “Chie” I Mean Try Our Best
I have to do a focus group and one of the assignments was to decorate a box based on your life and personality. I asked my girls to draw a picture I can attach to the box because being a mom of three I thought was appropriate. Then my middle one hands me this and says Mom you try your best but spelled it so freaking cute.
I do. I do “chie” my best. I know you all do too. It’s not easy but try to savor the moments. I know schoool drop off and pick up and homework and snack and dinner and endless paperwork then showers and bedtimes x3 can be overwhelming especially after working but then moments like this...moments of saying I “chie” made me realize they know I am trying my best and well that’s all I can do.
Date Yourself
You have to understand how important it is to date yourself. I made some terrible dating choices. I settled. I put up with stuff no one should put up. Then. Now. I accepted behavior that wasn’t ok or what I deserved.
You don’t realize that until you embrace being alone.
What I thought was love in my lifetime wasn’t the love I really needed so instead of looking for love I stopped. I embraced me. The love for myself until I find someone who actually deserves my love.
Feel Good Song: Strawberry Swing
Whenever I meditate I am on a swing. The sun is shining down on me. Not sure why but I always have this vision. It’s comforting. Makes me happy. I feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. Brings me back to my childhood. Like a childlike happiness comes over me. Strange yet comforting. This song reminded me of it.
Live Simple...
You’re very simple my mom said to me the other day. I notice it doesn’t take a lot to make you happy or content. You’re easily happy.
She’s right. I actually always have been. I never needed anything but structure and be able to treat myself out once a week. Even if it was just for pizza. I don’t like chaos. I don’t like unstable situations. I can be happy on a simple life.
I had a situation in my life change. I unpacked only what I needed. I didn’t want to crowd my space. I needed energy to flow. To be able to meditate. To not over crowd my brain.
I may not be like you. That’s ok. I will tell you the more simple a situation the happier I am. Yes I like to go out and experience new restaurants and festivals and adventures but I never was hard to make happy. A hug makes me happy. A single rose. But when chaos or I have to defend myself or prove myself I become defensive. I don’t like that.
I like quiet and calm. I like good vibe people. I like good energy situations. I don’t like needy people. I don’t like people who constantly need reassurance.
When I wasn’t happy I was always out. I needed a distraction from my reality. I did it even married. I wasn’t happy. I couldn’t believe when I moved how much stuff I had and held on to. I was just too tired and stressed to care. I was mad at myself for allowing my life to get that way. I mean I held on to paperwork that should have been tossed years prior. I just didn’t care. I wasn’t happy so needed a distraction and only did what I needed to do to survive. Sad. But we all do.
I want you to go home today and clear out an area of space of your house. Now walk in and out of the room. Tell me what you feel. Tell me how it calms you. Tell me how your brain and body reacts.
Also if you find yourself always running from staying home well your home is the problem. You’re not happy. You’re not calm or content. Your distractions are your “out” from dealing with your realities.
Live simple.
Go For A Walk...Switch Things Up
I had twenty minutes before my next client call. I am swamped so I decided to take a walk. Just to relax my mind. Being outside calms me. I blast my music and walk. When I have more time I do a long walk and yesterday spotted this amazing view on that long walk. Amazing right!
So when I walk I always keep one earbud in so I can hear cars or nature or anything else outside while listening to music.
A song came on that triggered me. In a good way. I started to smile. Something so simple. So brainless yet so relaxing.
Go for a walk or read or watch a brainless show or listen to a podcast. Switch things up. We become robotic in our life and how things should be or how life is. We become bored and think something drastic has to happen to make life interesting again. It doesn’t.
We stick to a routine and one day wake up and say I don’t like this routine anymore. Ok well then switch things up. Something simple. Small change at a time. It can make life exciting again.
Regroup...Refocus...
You’re not responsible for everyone’s problems. You don’t need to fix everyone.
Bring yourself back to peace and happiness. Focus within.
Do You Know Who You Really Are?
💜
Things in life have had to happen so we can find out who we really are. I say over and over I am not who I was... 10 yrs ago. 1 yr ago. 6 months ago.
I had to endure pain and lessons to find out who I really was.
You do too. If you’re currently going through your lesson I wish you strengthen. It’s an awful process. If you have come out and are intune with who you are then I praise you.
Who Has Impacted Your Life?
There’s this book that popped into my mind today, The Five People You Meet In Heaven. If you haven’t read this book you need to. It’s a wonderful story about a man’s journey. He passes and five people who impacted his life he meets in heaven. Some he didn’t even know he impacted.
Read some here
I thought of it because it made me think of all the people who have come into my life these last two years. After my divorce journey I have met a ton of people. No not just men. Women too. Friends. People who all taught me something. Even if it was something so small as to why the wind dies down at night. They all taught me a lesson. Now when I am with them whenever I had an “aha moment.” I knew my journey with them was over. Some we held on to too long. Some we easily let go.
Now think about YOUR life. Who taught you something. Who impacted you. Those people are special. Even if it was just in passing. Those people impacted your life. Sometimes more so than someone who has been in your life forever. You may not realize it but today I want you to take the time and focus everyone who comes into contact with you. How they make you feel. How your heart and soul feels around them. How many “aha moments” you get.
Think about it and feel free to message me with your experience.
Tuesday, September 3, 2019
Let Go Of The Illusion
We all do this. I know you do too. Stop! We put expectations on people to be something they are not.
We get caught in this illusion. It’s so silly. We set ourselves up for disappointment.
It’s Not fair to put pressure on people to different than who they are. Not fair to think someone can be more when they aren’t capable. Not fair to you or them to think they can give you more. I know. Let that sink in.
Take them for how they are or let them go and be with someone who will love them for their all.
Let Go To Create Space
Everything in life takes up space. Space in our life. Our thoughts. Our hearts. What do you need to release to make space for other things?
And All This Time Amazing Things Were Happening
I was sad. At one point I was really just getting by. It’s like the rug got pulled out from under me. As this happens you start using coping mechanisms. Distractions. Crying. Sad songs. Have you ever done this? If you have ever been hurt or sad it’s awful. AWFUL!!!
But then amazing things were happening...
As I was healing and not just from the last year but really from everything I never really dealt with I started to have a better life.
A huge house project went underway and completed. I met some awesome people. I focused on strengthening my friendships with people. My girls became calmer and happier. I traveled. Tried new restaurants. Went to new places. Blogged my butt off. Work got super busy. I created a new routine. Everything got better. My workouts got better. I swam. Became intune with my soul. Closer to my parents and sisters. Reached out to girlfriends and planned outings with them. Reconnected with past friends. Learned to love my alone time.
Why am I sharing this? Because when you’re down or sad or depressed life still moves around you. Read that again. When you’re down or sad or depressed life still moves around you.
You have to stop and refocus. You miss out on so much when you sulk in your pain and sorrow.
The kids grow up. Life changes. Work changes. Friendships change.
No two days are ever the same. When you’re down and sad or depressed or angry you lose days of your life. You have to understand how important this is. You can’t let situations destroy you. Life is still carrying on whether you’re in it or not. I know sounds morbid but I am saying this because I care about my readers.
Let all that go. Enjoy your life. The moment. Yes you still will have bad days and sad moments. I still miss things in my life I once had but it’s ok. That’s all ok. What’s not ok is letting life move around you and you are just getting by. You can’t. You have to jump on the wagon of gratitude.
Don’t get by anymore. That’s not my wish for you. I wish you see how amazing your life can truly be when you make a slight change in your life and goals.
I am more happy, content and at peace now then I have been in a really long time. Yes so maybe heartache and pain had to happen for me to get to this point. Maybe I had to lose myself a little to find myself again. But I promise I will never go back to feeling that way ever again. And I want you to promise me you won’t lose yourself either.
Don’t Waste Time On Nonsense
It was a really good day. Then a silly conversation with a friend got a little out of hand. We tend to bump heads easily lately. It was so silly but made me think. How many silly moments can we possibly have? That life is so short and time gets wasted on nonsense. Let the nonsense go.
Keep life simple. Don’t complicate things. Keep friendships fun. Keep relationship good. Leave the nonsense out.
Change Starts Now...With You!
Change your goals. The people you surround yourself with. How you value your relationships and friendships. How you view your life.
It’s an awakening when you change. It starts with you. No one has the power or control over you. Change your habits. Change your routine.
I promise you the stress, doubt, hurt and pain goes away.
Anyone who did a disservice to you no longer matters anymore. Things that used to trigger you...don’t. It’s when you become so intune with yourself that the things that once hurt you don’t hurt you anymore.
Buy Your Own Damn Flowers
Ok ok I don’t need to be dramatic but let me tell you a story.
I never liked having flowers delivered to me. I always felt my spouse or companion or boyfriend or love interest should hand me flowers. The way the flowers look in a man’s hands was always very romantic and sexy. They always hide them and have a smile on their face. It’s a proud moment for them. Plus why pay so much. Why can’t a single rose or a single flower or a bouquet from a store be enough. To me that’s so romantic and personal verse a delivery guy dropping them off.
I used to buy my own flowers when I became single. I would get them in my cart and smile the whole time
grocery shopping. Not sure why I stopped. I don’t buy the expensive bouquet. I mean don’t we all deserve a $5-$10 bouquet of flowers. It’s not much and makes a difference.
So I just started again and I must say I love the simple gesture to brighten up my day and table. Something as buying your own damn flowers puts a smile on your face and it should because everyone deserves flowers even if you’re buying them for yourself.
Tuesday Vibes
It’s not easy to get here so when you get a call while you’re working out and it’s someone complaining and actually having to take on parenting responsibilities like you always do it’s when you say not today buddy. Don’t mess with my peace. Don’t mess with other people’s peace. I can’t stand Debbie downers and negative people. Do what you have to do and please don’t disturb my peace.
What’s a Great Life Partner
I like to believe they can be both. But what do I know...being a hopeless romantic my vision on relationships seem to shift. But let’s be honest. Relationships need to have love and lust, are work with compromise, are give and take. There has to be a balance. Isn’t that true with everything in life.
❤️
Monday, September 2, 2019
Slow Down...Enjoy The Moment
Work has been crazy. The back to school hustle has been intense. This weekend was just what I needed to regroup before going back to the hustle tomorrow.
Great chats. Great fun. Relaxing moments. Spending time with my little ones. Releasing tension. Connecting with family and friends. Spontaneous fun. Trying new restaurants. Comfort food. Walks. Naps.
We need to slow down. We need to embrace the moment. We need to listen to our bodies and catch up on sleep and rest. We need to understand there has to be a balance in life.
Stop the hustle. Be sure good to your body and mind.
Food Truck Humor...
Not a lot of cars get me to turn around to look twice but bring out some Food Trucks and I will run up and take a picture with you. Food trucks make me one happy girl. Haha
Let’s Take A Walk...Realities Of Life
Lately we have been walking. The weather is perfect for it. An hour walk and back makes a difference in your mood. It really does. We started to see leaves on the ground. But then noticed all the shapes and I began to laugh. Someone must really love us. All these heart leaves on the same walk. It made me happy.
You have to believe theres more out there in the world. The simple pleasures make life beautiful.
Now the world isn’t perfect. It can be scary. I won’t lie. I have had some situations that I didn’t think the world was as great as seeing leaves in the shape of hearts. You have to know your audience and situation. I went grocery shopping today after I brought my girls to their dad’s house. Earlier in the day. I have to paint you this picture. Now picture this..
I am pushing a cart between my car and another car to put it up on the side walk. I have a cookie in my mouth. My purse on my shoulder and car keys in my hands. The cookie is hanging out of my mouth. I turn around and there’s a man. It’s now me and him between two cars. He asks me for money. I am beyond pissed. He catches me off guard. I have no hands to defend myself. I take the cookie about of my mouth and tell him I have no cash. He comes forward and has an umbrella wrapped in his hand. We are still between two cars. I say you need to back up. He’s like I am just asking for $2 I said I already told you I have no cash and you have some nerve approaching me for money. I am now furious. He actually apologies and I say it’s not cool man and he walks away.
I was beyond pissed. But then I processed it’s all, damn this situation could have went super bad. My rush was anger and I showed it to him and I knew by his size I could take him out but still. It was violating to me. I am at a freaking grocery store. I had a cookie hanging out of my mouth. No hands. I laugh now but life isn’t just roses and hearts and happiness. It’s freaking scary and you have to be tough. But know your role. Know when to be tough and when to be soft.
Appreciate the little things like heart shaped leaves. But also don’t be oblivious.
Fix Yourself...
It’s not anyone’s responsibility but your own. You know to fix yourself. Work out any insecurities you have. Asking for support from someone who is your companion or spouse is ok...but there’s boundaries and rules.
Now there’s a difference. When you suck a person’s energy from them while you fix yourself it’s selfish. You need to acknowledge they can’t fix you. You need to do it on your own but they can love you along the way as long as you do your part. When fixing yourself you can’t be abusive, you can’t turn someone’s world upside down because your world isn’t how you want it to be. You must acknowledge and process before reacting. You must also set boundaries. What is acceptable what isn’t. We are human. We slip up. But own it. Also I also now say to anyone if I need to vent “is this a good time to talk”. Asking if they have mental space right now is also really good too. It’s asking for permission before dumping on to someone.
A lot of people point blame. Trust me I have witnessed it too much. Blaming someone for your anger or debt or insecurities or pain...etc. First step is to own it. Own your life.
I was married young. So young. I never was alone. Until now. And now I own it. I own my path. My life. My decisions. No blaming. Owning. It’s all me. I own my life. I own what I do with my life.
People get caught up on pointing a finger. This is not ok. You have to own your role in your life. And take responsibility for everything. Every action.
If someone loves you enough to stay by you while you fix yourself you must acknowledge the sacrifice someone is making and thank them. Yes. Thank them for helping you fix yourself. For loving you during the process.
No One Expects You To Be Perfect
Enjoy yours too...
I am a planner. I like structure and to make plans and stick to times and events. Well sometimes spontaneous adventures cross my path and I must say I love them too. I love the out of the blue “hey let’s get together or let’s go do this” “I am in is my response. Always. I love it. This weekend has had some spontaneous fun in it and it totally beat my “like to function with structure” mindset.
It’s life too. Ups and downs. Happy and stressful times. Nothing is ever going to be perfect. It just has to feel right and good and fun. Grateful for all in my life. Grateful for my messy life. Be grateful for yours.
Why Aren’t You Happy?
I wrote a long time ago the number one marriage killer was unmet expectations. Post is here
So I came across this Tedx Talk that explains why we are living in a growing society of more and more unhappy people. Can you guess why?
It basically states how our expectations aren’t aligned with our reality. Hence why my previous post makes sense. See we have this vision in our head how things should be verse the reality of how they really are. The expectation gap puts a lot of pressure on us. Causes stress. Failed marriages and relationships. Increases depression and anxiety.
The “ I should have or be something I am not currently at in life”
Simplicity is key. But we don’t function or live in a society that portrays that.
This talk also talks about how one person’s pleasure is another person’s pain. I wrote about it in my post about dealing with rejection here
Please keep in mind your life can change when you change the way you think. When I wrote about unmet expectations in 2017 I was just going through the process of divorce. It wasn’t an easy road but I have come a long way since and happiness has been a main goal. Then my rejection post was this summer after a situation with someone I was seeing. I can’t believe how much my mindset has changed sense then.
Those two situations very different yet similar in a small way taught me to focus on me. My mindset to be happy. To let that pain and hurt go. To change my views on relationships and what I needed and deserved. I swear I am a better person now because of those pains and experiences. Just like every pain and experience I have ever had in life.
Keep life simple. Love yourself. Find happiness in the smallest. Purest forms. Don’t compete with anyone. Don’t compete for love or respect. Respect and love yourself. Appreciate where you are at in your life. Look around and be thankful for it all. I swear to do everyday.
Sunday, September 1, 2019
Find Happy To Be Happy
I get it. I so do.
We think we can change people. You can’t. They have to want to change. You have to see what you want your future to be like an align it with people who have the same goals and views.
You can’t be happy with an unhappy person. You can’t achieve goals with someone who’s goals don’t align with yours.
Not Just A Picnic
We get together every Sunday. It’s been a tradition for as long as I could remember. We eat for hours. It started out as lunch now it’s lunch and we end up ordering pizza at night.
The kids play. The adults catch up on life. We are all really close. Sometimes our cousins join or family friends or friends. It’s a favorite.
This time we did it BBQ style. Not your typical bbq. It’s an upgraded version. Grilled lobster tails. Steak. Grilled endive. Fennel salad with pomegranate. Burgers. Sausage. Mom’s famous potatoe salad- ok not famous but it should be. Snow Crab legs. Tomatoes salad.
Everything made with love and insane. Prosecco and
Jell-O shots for the adults. Dessert for the kids and jello.
After most of us went on a 1 hour walk. Our family isn’t perfect. No one is. But we sure know how to eat, party and love eachother.
How do you BBQ?
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