Sunday, February 21, 2021
Are We Really Insecure or Seeking Validation?
I was tired of hearing stop being insecure. I was speaking to a friend yesterday about a girl he is dating. He started to say she questioned him and wanted to know their status and so on.
Validation I said. He said no she's acting insecure.
Hmmmm
I think we confuse the two a lot. Being insecure is us not wanting to reveal ourselves to someone or not wanting to be intimate or not liking something about ourselves.
Validation is her wanting him to say yes we are an exclusive couple and yes I understand your concern but no need to worry about it. Now people think validation is being insecure. That we want someone to help us feel confident. I think it is about someone recognizing our feelings being valid. There are easy, simple ways to validate someone's feelings.
I think dating is very hard and complicated. So when a good, legit, real guy comes along we are just waiting for them to mess up. Why?
It has nothing to do with insecurities. It has to do with past experiences.
Example: If someone you loved left you for their ex and now you're in a new relationship they are close with an ex you may not like that. Why? Because of past experience. Because it opens up old wounds and pain.
Is it your responsibility to heal from someone else pain they caused you. Absolutely but it takes a lot of time. I still have old wounds that open up.
We all have been lied to, probably half of us cheated on. It is awful. We are just waiting for them to mess up. Is that fair. No. Not at all. It isn't. But when you're in a relationship you need to read between the lines. If you want to invest in someone you need to be supportive and patient too.
I love having guy friends because we help one another. I have always had a male best friend since my divorce. I love it. I love how they put me in check. How I put them in check.
Things are NOT always simple. I replied to him I wish men were more like women and women were more like men. I wish we could understand one another more. I wish we could not second guess everything. I wish we could emotionally detach.
Now he is a really straight forward nice guy. He is rare. She is waiting for the lies and let down. Is it his fault NO, but he can stop it really fast by validating her.
My boyfriend is very rare. He is the most emotionally stable person I ever met. It took me a long time to put my guard down with him and embrace his truths. Was it his fault. No. He can blame the men in my life prior to him. But all jokes aside. When someone is having doubts, or feeling emotional. Listen. Validate. Say I can understand how that may worry you but I do not want you to worry. Do not label people. Do not label we are insecure or unstable etc... Listen and Validate.
Saturday, February 20, 2021
Why Some Relationships Last & Some Don’t
This guy is great. Be sure to follow him on Instagram. Do you ever wonder why relationships last and then don’t. How some marriages stay good and some people are just staying just because?
Friday, February 19, 2021
We All Have Emotions
We need to stop generalizing. That a sensitive man is weak. Or a woman with passion is too emotional.
How about we accept we all feel. We all feel all levels and depths of emotions. At different times in our lives.
Accept the sensitive man. Embrace the passionate woman.
Let’s realize these general stereotypes inhibit us from being our true selves.
Thursday, February 18, 2021
Welcome To Ukraine
We love when our yums box comes in. This month was from Ukraine. What a variety of fun stuff we received.
The caramel bubble tasted like white chocolate. Inside had little grooves but was very light and airy.
This reminded us of a tiramisu.
We loved the assortment of candy that came in the box.
Wednesday, February 17, 2021
Ash Wednesday...12 Years Later
I always loved the season of lent. Ash Wednesday. Palm Sunday. I think it was great memories growing up.
Now it has a new meaning for me. 12 years ago I was in a bad car accident and walked away without a scratch on me. Not sure how but that night I went to church and got my ashes and prayed. And a little girl voice said “ Thank you for keeping me alive” There wasn’t a little kid around me. I get chills thinking back to that day.
Grateful for walking away without a scratch. It was an awful experience yet made me look at life differently. It started my journey of believing. In a higher source. In soul connections. In our purpose in life.
So I always make sure to get ashes and I bring my kids and tell them my story.
What's A Healthy Relationship?
Are you in a healthy relationship?
Let's first look at what makes a relationship healthy. I am no expert. I write based on my experience. I write on what feels good and right to me. On my personal experience. So if someone asked me what a healthy relationship looks like I would say this is pretty on point here
One of my main goals was to make sure my kids saw you can still have a healthy relationship with someone. Most of us mimic our parent's and family and peers relationships because we grew up around it.
Now look at your own relationship. Is it a healthy one? Would you want your kids to have the same type of relationship you have? If not there is your answer.
If your relationship isn't healthy then think about this next question: Can you make your current relationship a healthy one?
It takes two. Changes are BOTH people in the relationship. 100% in. 100% devoted.
I know I gave you a lot to think about. Feel free to message me with any questions or feedback.
Do We Click?
I feel I am easy to get along with for the most part. Off the bat you know if you like my personality or not. I think that is why I stayed in relationships and friendships because I kind of flowed with it. People wanted to stay in touch with me even when relationships ended because they liked my friendship. I now realize how important clicking with someone matters. Where you are not constantly playing tug of war with each other. Where you both communicate the same way and have same goals and values. Where you may not always agree but respect each other beliefs.
I do not think you need to spend your lifetime in a relationship trying to change that person you're in a relationship with. If you do then it isn't the right relationship. Same goes if they are trying to change you. If they can't accept 99% of you then you need to get out. We are who we are. Even as adults changing means really looking within and even though I am willing to do it not everyone is!
Last night I leaned over and whispered "Are you happy in our relationship." He looked at me like I had twelve heads. Of course and he laughed. He is used to my weird, out of the blue questions and concerns.
Women need validation. We do. So if any men are reading this validate to your wife/girlfriend/partner. We like to hear how you feel. Men do have feelings too. No need to hide them. It is ok to validate people.
It's really my first, EASY, solid relationship I have had in a long time or actually ever because I never had an easy relationship. Sometimes I wonder how we click so well. How easy it is. How calm it is. No fighting just straight conversations. I accept him and his flaws and he accepts mine. How can this be so easy. Where is the catch?
Ironically it is common!
Read the article The "Click" Factor that explains this more in depth here.
Tuesday, February 16, 2021
It’s Fat Tuesday...King Cake for Mardi Gras
Normally they put a plastic baby inside for good luck but the local store said due to liability and someone choking in past they don’t bake it in anymore.
It’s delicious. It is like a cinnamon danish.
The colors all represent something:
*The king cake is a mixture of a French pastry and a coffee cake. Its oval shape and festive colors give it a unique appeal. The original version features the royal colors of gold, purple, and green. Gold represents power, purple represents justice, and green signifies faith.
Monday, February 15, 2021
Relationship Tips
Relationships take work. No one has a perfect relationship. BUT it can be good and easy. What steps above do you need to work on?
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