Wish Life Could Stand Still For A Little While

Tonight I cried holding and rocking my baby to sleep. It wasn't a sad cry, or a happy cry. It was a "wish life could stand still for a little while" cry.

I remember when I was pregnant sitting in her room wondering what type of person she would be, what she would look like, what color hair she would have. And tonight there we were. My eight month old and I rocking back and forth. I thought about how heavy she had become, how in four months I will be planning her first birthday. Soon she will be too heavy for me to rock, she will be too indenpendt to need me to rock her nor would she want me to.

I know one day I'll have other babies, but she is MY baby, my first, my experiment for the other children to come, my test of what type of parent I will be. She choose me to be her mommy, provider, protector, and teacher. I love this little girl so much that the thought of her not needing me one day made me cry.

She hung onto me tonight so tight as if she knew she was growing up to fast, she knew soon she will become less dependent on me. We had a special moment, a mother daughter moment that reminded me of how much I loved every minute of these last 8 months. Regardless of the weight gain, endless sleepless nights, and sore breasts.

I know the best is yet to come, I know we will always be buddies, but for now I will allow myself to cry. Because those 8 months came and went as if they were only weeks and days. Those 8 months I can't ever get back. Those 8 months made me the mommy I am today!