Dealing With Forgiveness

They always say in order to heal you need to forgive people. Now you may not agree but I think it’s a crock of sh$t. Let me explain. 

Forgiving someone is accepting what they did to you. It’s saying it’s ok I will move on and you made me stronger etc... That’s not ok nor obligated to that person who hurt you. 

The only person who you need to forgive is yourself. Your core. Your soul. For putting yourself in a position that caused you pain. For being oblivious to what has happened around you. You have to forgive yourself inorder to heal. 

For giving someone the benefit of the doubt. For putting your guard down. For thinking a situation would turn out differently. 

No two situations are ever the same. We can’t go into a new situation with old baggage. Old expectations. Old needs. Everything is a fresh start. Until you forgive yourself you can’t truly heal. People think forgiving someone brings closure. No. It doesn’t. Closure happens in time. Closure happens when you have learned the lesson. When the situation no longer takes control over you. Your emotions or daily life. 

You can’t wish harm or bad on someone else but you don’t need to forgive them for something they did for you inorder to heal. I have had pain in my life. I have tried to forgive yet anger took over. Instead now I say it’s a lesson learned. I forgive myself for being stupid thinking differently. I forgive myself for giving someone my all when they didn’t deserve it. I don’t forgive them for never apologizing or owning up to pain they caused me. They don’t deserve my forgiveness. I deserve my forgiveness. 

I do wish peace in my life and am grateful they are no longer a part of my life. I am grateful for my family and loved ones who helped me heal and seek forgiveness within myself but don’t ever think you owe anyone forgiveness for causing you pain. You don’t. You owe yourselves forgiveness there’s a difference. 

Calm Your Mind...The Answers Will Then Come

My intuition is always super strong when my mind is calm. Always find peace and a way to escape anything that isn’t serving you at your highest purpose. Calm your brain to get the best answers. 

Valencia Summer Drink

Valencia outdoor seating is always so fun. It’s like a little getaway. With their tables and sand. This drink was a special. Their Rose Sangria with melon cubes and a rosemary garnish. 

Where’s your favorite place to grab a summer cocktail?

Turn The Negatives Around

Happiness Is The Main Goal...

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Feel Good Song: This Is Me

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Good Night Readers...

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Açaí Bowl Green & Tonic

This is always my favorite, I love Acai bowls.  It’s refreshing like ice cream yet has a hint of banana and berry flavor. I created my own bowl at Green & Tonic in Westport. Blueberries, strawberries and Zen granola. Even my girls loved it. https://greenandtonic.com/

Not only is it delicious but they have a ton of antioxidants. 

“Acai berries have an incredibly high amount of antioxidants, edging out other antioxidant-rich fruits like blueberries and cranberries” *

*https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/benefits-of-acai-berries#section3

The Cake Box Westport CT

I was in Westport for breakfast and a friend asked me to pop in to see her at work when I was done. She told me she would bring me to a cute cupcake shop that my girls would love. She was right. I have heard of the place before but never went to it. Super cute little bakery. I ordered the dozen mini cupcakes. Red velvet, chocolate hostess, cookies and cream, carrot cake, Birthday cake...they all look amazing. These little cupcakes are jam packed with flavor. So tasty. A dozen mini cupcakes for $18. 

They also carry gluten free cupcakes. 

They also have a spot in Ridgefield. Learn more here. 

https://www.thecakeboxofct.com/

Check out this cute video about them https://www.nbcconnecticut.com/on-air/as-seen-on/Cakebox_Hartford-280704742.html

Facing It...You Have To At One Point

People says it’s FOMO- fear of missing out. Some say they have to keep busy and can’t sit still. What I have learned through the years is that it’s a distraction. I have done it. You have done it. We all at one point ran from our truths so we kept ourselves so busy that we didn’t have time to process or even be upset or deal with any emotions that were keeping us back. 

Do you ever hear someone say when I relax I get depressed? It’s because when your surroundings are calm it gives your brain time to process everything. You process and then all these fears or pain or things you have to do come to surface. Just like going to bed. We all joke bed time we toss and turn because our brain is reminding us of all the things we have to do. 

It’s ok. It’s ok to relax and stop the outside noise from distracting our brain. It’s ok to just focus on what’s really bothering us and not covering it up so we can deal and heal. 

What isn’t ok is not being intune of your life. When we create chaos we are only adding to our plate. We aren’t owning up to our fears and weakness. We are allowing things to pile up. It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to deal with emotions we hide within us. Stop running from it all and start facing it all. 

Let’s Validate How You Feel

Let’s face it. We all go through this. It’s the need to have your feelings validated. Now there’s a difference between being right and someone validating how you feel. 

It’s not about being right or wrong. See our feelings aren’t right or wrong. They are our feelings. It’s how we perceive something. When you get validation the person is not agreeing. The person is honoring how you feel. See the difference. 

“I can see how that can upset you.” “I understand you are hurt.” “I didn’t mean for you to feel that way.”

You are validating someone’s feelings and when you do it actually puts the argument to rest. 

When you try to change how someone feels or views something you are saying they are wrong. “I understand BUT” 

No...”But” isn’t helpful. It’s not validating. It’s not helping someone’s feelings change. It’s saying don’t feel that way. 

Validating someone brings the respect you have for them to a whole another level. Try it. See how it works. There’s nothing worse then someone trying to change the way you feel or make you feel crazy for feeling a certain way. 

Only Stay Where You’re....

Are you valued? Are you happy? Are you appreciated?

If not move on!

Sono Seaport Seafood Is Back In Business

This place brought back so many memories when I walked in. A friend got a group of us together to check it out. Tonight was their second night opening and it was delicious. 

It’s so amazing to have places on the water in Norwalk. It makes you feel like you’re away on vacation. 

The staff is amazing. Super friendly. We had about four waitresses ask if we needed anything. We didn’t wait long for a table. We started with drinks on the dock. I got a pina colada topped with dark rum. 

I ordered a cup of chowder and fried shrimp. They were both delicious. It was better than I remembered and even one of the chefs came out to speak with us and asked for our feedback. 

I really hope you get a chance to check it out. I will

be going back with the kids and my parents so they can enjoy it too. 

https://www.sonoseaportseafood.com/mobile/#home/index

NICE Festival Tomorrow July 6th

 Free admission tomorrow

“A multi-cultural summer music, food, and dance festival with multiple cultural performances, crafts and interactive family activities.

This day-long event is filled with an abundance of cultural performances and numerous vendors offering a wide array of international cuisines and arts and crafts.  Experience live performances from multiple traditions to include live dancers with origins in Flamenco, Asian, African, and more; Live music includes Rock, Reggae, Rhythm & Blues, Latin, Folk and music across all genres.”

https://norwalknice.org/

Friday Motivation...Trust The Process

Dealing With The Emotion Of...Relief

Do you ever exhale and think wow how did I get through that or so glad I got out of that situation.  When you have that sense of feeling a wave of relief comes over you. It then calms you and brings you peace.

We all don’t understand some tests in life we have to go through but when we do and come out of it we realize we are stronger, better, happier. 

Relief brings us peace. If you ever feel relief after any situation you have to understand that situation taught you something or was the right decision or wasn’t meant to be a part of your path. Whether it’s letting people go in your life or not getting a job you wanted or getting negative results back from medical test. Relief gives you hope. It makes you feel that the path you’re on is the one you’re meant to be on. That certain situations had to happen so you can be the version you are today. That in the end everything will be ok. 

I walked into my doctor’s office for a procedure and said to her medical assistant you know I don’t want to be here. We both laughed and she said don’t worry no one ever does. When my doctor came in I asked if this will hurt. She looked at me and said have I ever lied to you, it’s uncomfortable. True I replied. I mean I had three c-sections and my thryoid out I should be able to handle pain. She replied “yes and I was with you through that all” and she was right. A wave of relief came over me. She was there and actually pushed for my testing that found my cancer. I knew no matter what the results were I was safe in her hands. The procedure didn’t hurt and everything came back normal but I had relief even before getting the results. 

If you don’t feel a sense of relief or a sense of “thank god” then either your lesson isn’t over yet or you are settling or trying to convince yourself to get over a situation. If your decisions or actions don’t bring you peace and satisfaction then it’s not over yet. 

Know the difference. 

How To Pick The Right Watermelon

When You Know You Are Healing...

Let’s Take A Walk, Smell, Hear, Feel...

I started doing after dinner walks with my girls. “Let’s go for a walk I say” they run to the front door ready to go. 

On the walk I ask them to listen. Tell me what you hear. The birds. Wind. Someone cutting the grass. All these heighten your senses. 

Now Look. What do you see. There’s something about the deep green grass. Trees. Flowers in bloom.  

Now Smell...what’s the smell. You can smell the grass in the air and the best is the sweetness of honey suckles. There’s always one spot on our walk we can smell them and it’s so sweet. 

Feel. What do you feel. Sometimes it’s the warmth of the sun. Sometimes there’s a warm breeze. 

Let me tell you these little senses we focus on really gives an appreciation to nature. It also helps us calm and wind down before bedtime. 

Sometimes we play music. Sometimes after we do a dance party outside. Sometimes they jog or walk. But it’s always a great little exercise we do. To connect ourselves with something else. To become intune with our surroundings and senses. 

Fun 4th of July Facts

Happy 4th of July!! I hope you’re enjoying the holiday with family, friends, food & fireworks. 

Did you know 150 million hotdogs are consumed on 4th of July!  Enjoy more fun facts below. 

Read More Here:

https://wallethub.com/blog/4th-of-july-facts/22075/

Enjoy This Day...Enjoy This Chapter Of Your Life

Happy 4th of July!

Did You Know...Carrots

Feel Good Song: One Headlight

Cove Deli & Cafe

How could I live in Norwalk and never been to this place or seen it. It’s across from Partners. It’s super cute the outside. Makes you feel like you’re away on vacation.  I popped in with my little ones and got breakfast. The good old BEC. It was really good and the staff were sweet. I knew one of the ladies who worked there. 

Where’s your favorite breakfast spot for a BEC?

https://www.covenorwalk.com/

Strawberry & Basil Water

We went to Jones farm in Shelton on Sunday for strawberry picking. I love going to the farms to pick fruit with the kids. The problem with strawberries is that you have to either consume or freeze them within a couple of days of picking. I love strawberries and basil so am taking advantage of using our freshly picked strawberries for flavored water. 

I washed and chopped strawberries and basil and let it sit in the fridge in a carafe of water for a couple of hours. 

Delicious!

“Drinking water infused with fruit or herbs is a smart and tasty way to hydrate and cleanse without getting overloaded with sugar and calories. There are many health benefits of infused water including appetite control, hydration, immune defense, heartburn prevention, blood sugar regulation and weight management.” *

*http://www.pvamu.edu/cahs/2016/05/24/health-benefits-of-infused-water/

Are You Happy & At Peace...

“Peace can only be achieved when you look inward.”

Dealing With The Emotion Of...Regret

Never ever have regret! Never regret anything you have done or who you had in your life. It’s all lessons. 

What Will You Do For A Taco...Happy Taco Tuesday

This is hysterical!!

Half Way Mark & Already Making Changes

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Feel Good Song: Below My Feet

Dealing With The Emotion Of...Rejection

I was 15 the last time I remember being rejected. That’s way too long ago. So I had a situation stir up and it triggered me. I could not figure it out. It got me so mad and then it hit me. I was being rejected. The pain I was feeling was rejection. 

Now let’s be real. Anything you don’t get in life is a blessing. Really is. But rejection isn’t something I am used to or anyone for that matter. This person still wanted to be in my life on their terms and I swear I was a beast every time we reached out to one another. Even though I wanted this person in my life I didn't want the set backs attached to it. I had to ask myself why does this person trigger me so much. It hit me...rejection. I even told them my anger is due to you rejecting me and wanting me in your life on your terms and to be honest no one has control over me like that. Ever. 

It brought me pain every single time I thought our roles in eachother life could ever be what it once was. 

“It activated the same areas of our brain as physical pain! That's right – rejection causes you literal pain.”

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Can you imagine... pain from rejection. I was feeling pure pain. 

I am very in tune with how I feel but this person made me bring out a side of me I didn’t know existed, because I don’t normally deal with this type of emotion. I will admit it’s a lesson. It’s growth. It’s part of my journey. 

 When I vented to my friend about this he told me it’s ok, 

“You have to look at rejection as a$$holes, everybody has 1, but really it's ok to face it. Face it and move on,” 

That’s the type of friends I love. Real and straight to the point with humor attached. 

Whether relationship or work or life or whatever. Rejection happens. It’s what you do with it that matters.

Some people don’t care. They are constantly rejected and move on.  It’s pretty amazing. Their ego and self esteem isn’t affected at all by rejection. To them

“It is what it is”. Some people aren’t used to it and it takes time to process. That would be me or you. Some people grow from it and later can laugh about it to be grateful because it was a blessing. Which should be all

of us really because nothing in life happens without something better happening. I realized that early on too. 

Once I realized the emotion I felt was rejection, it had me thinking. There were times I rejected people. Some reacted, some didn’t. It wasn’t my intentions to hurt them. It just wasn’t a fit. Whether when it came to relationships or hiring them. Then I thought about all the emotionally wounded people I met and know. Rejection was the cause to most. It all made sense. It all boils now to being rejected, not accepted or not being approved or getting what you want. I had guy friends who felt rejected from their significant others and it causes a lot of damage to them. Making it hard for them to fully be in another relationship. Also makes them weak to that person and that person has complete control over time. 

People who don’t get the job they wanted causes damage. Not getting into the college you wanted causes damage. Rejection messes with your worth. Self esteem. Goals. List goes on. 

“Of course, rejection causes us more than some emotional pain. It hurts our self-esteem, causes us anger or sadness, and knocks us off course from feeling stability in our lives. But there’s something you need to know. Most of these side-effects are self-inflicted.”*

Regardless in life when someone doesn’t bring out your highest good you have to not allow them to remain in your life. You have to set them free. You have to be strong enough to walk away and be at peace. You don’t settle for what they are willing to give you. You are the winner lottery ticket- never forget that! Rejection doesn’t define you, you define you!

Whenever a new emotion triggers you it’s your job to figure out why so you can grow as a person. You owe it to yourself to heal anything that isn’t bringing out your best self. 

“Rejection can strengthen our mentality and contribute to our future success, if we only let it.”

I had to look into this more. I had to recognize and learn more so I found this article below. 

*https://www.lifehack.org/490129/why-rejection-hurts-so-bad-and-how-to-overcome-the-pain

Tuesday Motivation

Be Happy With Yourself First

Feel Good Song: Lover of the Light

I just love this band so much. ❤️

No Love Story Ever Ends Well...

It’s true. You have to be able to open yourself up and risk being hurt. Nothing good doesn’t come without taking a chance or a risk. Take that chance. Make that risk. So it hurts, it’s ok. Get over it and try again ❤️

Feel Good Song: Stay Or Leave Dave Matthews

Dealing With The Emotion Of...Fear

It’s important to understand your triggers. I woke up with intentions of a great day. I took two kids to beach while we waited for camp. I was content. I had my whole morning planned. 

Then bam the morning went to crap. It’s not a big deal. Minor set backs but I was very mad. I had to take a step back and say ok what’s the deal J. 

It was fear. 

I have a minor simple medical procedure today. Nothing urgent but yet the thought of a doctor doing anything to my body brings back all my past medical experiences and my body doesn’t want to deal. It’s not the fear of pain it’s fear of here we go again. So I finally said what’s this you’re feeling and it was fear. And it was ok for me to have fear.  It’s ok to be nervous and not want to deal with anything out of routine. 

Listen my stories aren’t to share my business. My stories are to teach you that when you are triggered. When something is off you must get to the root of why. 

Today was fear, fear made me get upset over other things and it’s normal. I am lucky to recognize it early within thirty minutes actually. Being single you don’t have a companion to vent to. That sets you back to handle your issues and emotions on your own. Yes family and friends help but it’s different. You have to be good to you. 

You owe it to yourself to do the same. Be intune with your emotions. 

Fear is a lot of things. You fear change. You fear pain. I fear the results. We all have fear that prevents us from things. This situation had me be short tempered. Fear kept me in certain situations longer than I should have been in before. Fear also had me run from situations I wish I handled differently. 

Fear is a big component that can hurt us. 

Fear is scary but not knowing why you feel off is scarier.