Last year my daughter broke her shin. I booked a follow appointment for her. Last night she brought it up. She then brought up her heart. She was born with a heart defect. Nothing urgent but we do have to see a cardiologist. She asked when her scan was scheduled for. I always told her she had a special heart. When your baby is getting scans and hooked up to wire it’s hard to not react. So I just always said your heart is special and that’s ok. Of course when I think about it I get emotional but I also know we stumbled upon this when she was first born and she could have gone her whole life not knowing about it.
Last night she asked me why. Why does her heart have to be so different. What if she needed a new heart one day. I told her she won’t need a new heart but she has scans to make sure her heart is ok and can handle activities and perform how it should. But I don’t want to be different she says. I said honey we all are different. Unfortunately we all have something in life that makes us different and this is what you have to deal with. She asked me how I was different. I have no thyroid I told her. She asked how her middle sister was different I said she was born with a Strawberry on her foot that took up most of her foot. We then went on to say how everyone in our life is unique and why.
Being different is ok. We all have something in life we have to deal with. Whether it be visible or not visible. This brought her peace but as we spoke it brought me pain. That knowing this was her lifetime set back was always hard on me and even though it’s only something I have to process during her follow up appointments or sports. At times when she’s sick I always fear her heart may have something to do with it.
Parenting is never easy. But we need to process before reacting. Process before we use words. Knowing that we all have some demons and fears to deal with. Her’s so happens to be her heart.
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