How Long Does It Take...As Long As You Need

This song I remember was playing fall of 2018. Was a rough time for me. Things were all finalizing. Turmoil was in my life. I was working out in my bedroom of my old house I got upset and threw a weight on the ground. It bounced up from the carpet and into the wall leaving a hole. I am not a violent person at all. I was first in shock because that wasn’t my intentions and then I laughed and then I thought crap I have to fix that since I lived alone. But I will never ever forget that day. What I felt. What happened. Everything. 

This song played this afternoon while I was at the gym working out. All the emotions rushed back. I then said to myself man I still have a ton of healing to do. 

A therapist I once went to said when dramatic situations happen in our life it can take up to three years to get over it and that’s if you deal with it. Imagine. So we have a situation. It sucks we bury it. Then in time it comes up again. We never really heal because we don’t work through it. Things trigger it. Songs remind us of it. People hurting us remind us of past pain. 

When I first separated from my ex I spent 7 months alone. Single. It was pretty amazing I must say because it was new. I had to heal and focus on me and my kids. My job. Taking care of a house solo. All those things. So after dating these last year and a half I have decided again to stop. Focus on myself and my kids and my life and work and home situation. I have to heal 100% from everything. The past. Stuff from 2019. Anything buried. All has to stop. All has to come up and be healed. 

I want to hear this song one day and not associate it with pain. Once I do I know my work is done. 

I share this with you because you too have pain. You too have hurt or a buried situation. I had someone really close to me once say he had no expectations. You can’t get hurt when you don’t have expectations he would say to me. I don’t want to live like that. He shouldn’t either and you shouldn't. 

You aren’t alone on this journey of life. I am definitely not alone on this journey of life. So start your journey. Thanks for being a part of mine.