I woke up at 4:00 am and felt a wave of past emotions. I tried to shrug it off and fell back to sleep. It was better when I woke up later that morning but for some reason it stayed with me. I didn’t want to create an argument because I didn’t even really know what was bothering me but I noticed I couldn’t shake it.
I had to dig deep to figure it out. When we are upset we think it’s at the surface most of the time it’s not.
It was my past experience. A past situation resurfaced. Just one small gesture and that insecurity came back. I was reliving it but with a new partner. They say you aren’t suppose to bring past relationship insecurities into a new one but it’s hard not to. I have done so much work on figuring myself out that I knew exactly what was bothering me. How one small
gesture triggered a past emotion I once had from a past relationship. Gratefully we are great at communicating and I brought it up we dealt and it was fine.
I just needed to clear the air. I needed to hear me say it out loud. I even appreciated him so much more after speaking to him about it that he reassured me to always say how I feel.
Past wounds are not other people’s responsibility to heal for us. It’s OUR responsibility. What is also our responsibility is to never assume. We need to discuss nicely whenever we feel a trigger. Whenever something gives us doubt.
You need to find a partner you can discuss anything with at anytime. To not feel a discussion will be an argument. That instead a discussion will bring you closer even when he had nothing to do with it. He was so supportive and understanding and to me that mattered more than any conversation we ever had. It showed me how secure he felt in us. How I too needed a relationship like ours. So different than any I have ever had.
You have the power to heal. You owe it to yourself to heal. You also owe it to yourself to find a partner who truly is good for you.
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